


4 Times Tony Initiated Sex in an Inappropriate Manner +1 Time Bruce Did the Seducing

by madwriter223



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 08:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madwriter223/pseuds/madwriter223
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4 Times Tony Initiated Sex in an Inappropriate Manner +1 Time Bruce Did the Seducing

_1\. On the Helicarrier_  
“Doctor, this is all very fascinating, but also incomprehensible.” Fury said suddenly, halting the scientific babble. “Can you say it again in layman's terms?”  
  
Banner blinked, then glanced over his equations. “Well... if we substitute the ionic synthesizer with a biosphere generator, the long term use won't cause such a complex full-cellular disinter- eh, it will be much safer for the environment.”  
  
“Alright. Stark, can you build that?”  
  
Stark didn't answer, completely enraptured by the equations on the board.  
  
“Stark!”  
  
The billionaire twitched, then turned towards Dr. Banner. Fury frowned when he noticed the flush covering Stark's cheeks. Then Stark opened his mouth.  
  
“This is so brilliant I want to lick you all over while rubbing my naked body against your notes.”  
  
It was a good thing Fury hadn't been drinking anything, considering he almost chocked on his own tongue at that point.  
  
Bruce blushed, and glanced at Fury in apologetic embarrassment. Then he turned back to Stark and nodded. “After this meeting.”  
  
“Awesome! Bring your notes, I'll bring my hot ass.”  
  
Fury bravely resisted the urge to facepalm.  
  
  
 _2\. As a surprise_  
Tony grinned to himself when the door to Bruce's lab slid open. He waited for the sound of footsteps nearing the open doorway, then jumped out from his hiding place, arms spread wide.  
  
“SURPRISE!” Except this wasn't who the surprise was meant for. “You're not Bruce.”  
  
Steve swallowed heavily. “You're naked.”  
  
Stark glanced down at himself sarcastically. “Oh gee, so _that's_ why I feel a draft.”  
  
The good Captain's face seemed to be doing its damn best to set itself ablaze. “Is this... what people do now? With uh... ribbons?”  
  
“The ribbon symbolizes the surprise for my Brucie-bear.”  
  
“But it's wrapped around your-”  
  
“Exactly!”  
  
A new voice joined the conversation. “I think I've got a fair idea what it's wrapped around.”  
  
Tony blinked, and stood up on his toes to look over Steve's shoulder. “Bruce!” he grinned, and squeezed himself past the shell-shocked Captain. “Surprise!”  
  
Bruce just smiled at him indulgently. “Thank you, Tony, that's very nice of you.”  
  
“That's not the reaction I was hoping for.” The billionaire said with a pout, then turned angrily to face the Captain. “Dammit, you ruined the surprise!”  
  
“I apologise?” Wow, was that a squeak?  
  
“Tony, it's fine.” Bruce said softly, grabbing Tony's arm and pulling him further into the lab. “I'm very surprised and very eager to open my present.”  
  
Tony grinned then, and pressed his naked body against Bruce's, nuzzling at the other man's jaw. “Very eager?”  
  
“Very, very eager. Now go find a flat surface, I'll be right with you.”  
  
Tony grinned even wider as he sauntered over to the nearest desk.  
  
Bruce watched him go, then turned to face the still shocked Steve. “Thank you for the company, Captain. Steve. But I think I'm going to be very busy now, so if you'd excuse us?” With a gentle hand, he guided the blond out the door. Steve, not knowing what else to do, followed obediently.  
  
“Hey Capsicle!” Tony called suddenly, and Steve turned around slowly in trepidation. “BTW, this is what I am if you take away my armor.” Pelvis thrust. “ _Sexy_.”  
  
Bruce laughed and closed the door in Steve's shocked face.  
  
  
 _3\. Through the Phone_  
Thor grinned as the heavenly taste exploded across his tongue. Truly, this Tart of Pop was food of the Gods. The Fates must have placed this delicious treasure upon Midgard by mistake. Such delicacy belonged in Asgard, for the Gods to feast upon.  
  
The thunderer glanced up when he heard odd music ringing in the kitchen. He glanced around for the source, then he noticed Friend Banner had one of Friend Stark's devices in his hand. Verily, Midgardian technology truly had gall, to interrupt a God feasting.  
  
Friend Banner glanced at the glowing device, then sighed. He pressed one of the too small buttons and brought it to his ear.  
  
“Tony.” Friend Banner's voice was heavy with exasperation. “You are aware you are just in your workshop? It won't kill you to come up here yourself.”  
  
An odd, almost breathy sound was his only answer. “Tony?”  
  
From the phone came a low sound, one which could only be described as a moan.  
  
“I see.” Banner murmured.  
  
Next came a series of gasps and soft, barely there cries.  
  
“I agree, that might cause problems.”  
  
A tiny sound, almost like Friend Banner's name. It came again a moment later, this time ending in a groan.  
  
“Interesting. What exactly are the parameters?”  
  
Thor blinked at the barrage of words that followed the question. Words like 'need', 'hot', 'tight', 'hole', 'cock', 'Bruce', 'want' and 'wet'. Thor had to smile. Such passion the mortals had. It was most endearing.  
  
“Of course I'll help. I'll be right there.” Friend Banner said as he stood and slid the device back into his pocket. As he headed towards the door, Thor clapped him on the shoulder.  
  
“I wish you luck with your nailing and hammering.” He boomed cordially, giving him a wink to signal his understanding.  
  
Friend Banner blushed slightly, but he continued towards the workshop.  
  
Lady Natasha sighed, and looked up from her newspaper. “Thor, we've been over this. Bruce and Tony don't use nail nor hammer to build their toys.” Slowly, each word carefully pronounced.  
  
“I am well aware, Lady Natasha.” The thunderer said with a smile.  
  
Perhaps he should pay a visit to the fair Lady Jane. Mortal passion was contagious, it seemed.  
  
  
 _4\. At Breakfast_  
“Morning.” Tony gave a small wave as he sauntered into the kitchen, picking up his morning coffee and paper. Clint waved back absentmindedly, chewing serenely on his cereal. And okay, he may not be at his best in the mornings, so it took him a while to notice that the kitchen got deathly silent. Normally, there'd be arguing or teasing or even plain conversations. Nothing now. So Clint made the mistake of glancing up.  
  
Tony stood in front of the breakfast table, sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper as if he didn't have a care in the world. Problem was, the goddamn asshole was naked. Well, not naked. He had on a thong. A purple thong. A purple thong that covered about as much as a wet noodle would.  
  
Not to mention the fact that he was covered from head to foot in green paint. Hulk green. Seriously, what the fuck.  
  
And as if sensing that he now had _everyone's_ attention, Tony turned around and walked calmly out of the kitchen. Just past the doorway, he theatrically let go of the paper, letting it fall to the floor.  
  
“Oh no.” Tony mock-gasped, doing a marvelous impression of worst actor _ever_. “I've dropped my newspaper. Clumsy me. Whatever shall I do?” Then the bastard bent down to get it. Slowly, thrusting out his butt towards them as he did. And he painted his whole cheeks green too, kudos.  
  
Bruce stood up suddenly, the chair he'd been sitting on clattering to the floor. He crossed the kitchen in a three strides, then grabbed Tony around the waist and bodily hauled him from the room.  
  
“Hold our calls!” The little shit billionaire called before Bruce dragged him out of earshot.  
  
Clint breathed deeply as he stared after them, then looked back at his cereal. Yeah, he's not gonna be finishing that any time soon.  
  
  
 _+1 Bruce did the Seducing_  
Bruce took a deep, relaxing breath, then continued writing his special equations. One for how much an aroused flush heats Tony's skin. One for the frequency of shivers and back-archings per a certain amount of touches. A calculated surface of especially sensitive skin. One for the increase of length Tony gained with each amount of blood traveling south. One for the gradual widening of Tony's anal muscles during preparation, followed by the perfect circumference of the stretched opening. Another for how much suction was needed to make Tony whimper and how much to make him gasp.  
  
He wrote down in numbers how much pressure was on his own cock once deeply inside. He calculated the amount of force and depth needed to make Tony mewl, then how much was needed to make Tony scream. He scribbled the perfect angle to hit the billionaire's prostate at each thrust, and how much additional skin stimulation was needed to make Tony go crazy.  
  
He calculated how often Tony's body clenches around his as orgasm nears, as well as the frequency of his moans. Last, he calculated the amount of semen and the most likely spots on Tony's body where the white drops might land depending on their position.  
  
He looked over his notes, checking the math. Everything looked in order, so he cleared his throat and turned around. “Tony? Could you look through these equations, check I've got everything right?”  
  
“Sure.” Tony grinned at him and took the offered notebook. “I'm always eager to go through your notes. You know how much I love that big brain of yours.”  
  
Bruce smiled, then leaned back in his chair, waiting patiently. A few minutes later, he had a lapful of _very_ eager Tony grinding against him and trying to suck his brain out through his mouth.  
  
Gotta love math.


End file.
